Healing and Resilience: A Man's Journey Through Burnout and Mental Health
We invite individuals to anonymously share their stories of resilience to help break the stigma surrounding burnout and mental health. In honor of Men's Mental Health Awareness Month this June, we begin by sharing an inspiring story of one man's journey. His experience highlights that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness, and proves that reaching out doesn't make you any less of a man. Below is his incredible story of resilience, told from his point of view:
My name today is going to be Moose. Back in college, as a high-performing Division I athlete, that was my nickname, and it stuck. Reflecting on my journey, I realize how much being a collegiate athlete opened my eyes to the reality of burnout. This is my story of how I struggled, fell, and eventually sought therapy to heal.
The Highs and Lows of Collegiate Athletics
In high school, I was a top competitor, reaching state, regional, and national meets. I dreamed of competing at the next level, and when I received an athletic scholarship to a Division I school, I felt like I had made it. Competing against the best was exhilarating. However, this period also marked the beginning of my struggles with burnout.
Encouraged to overtrain, I faced multiple injuries. I overextended my Achilles tendon, broke a foot, and tore both my quads—all due to pushing myself too hard. At the time, I didn't recognize the toll it was taking on me. I was driven by a need to overachieve, a trait that extended into other areas of my life. Growing up multiracial, I often felt like I was under a microscope, and I pushed myself to meet the expectations I felt others had of me.
The Downward Spiral
After multiple injuries, I lost my scholarship. This loss devastated me. Competing was not just a physical outlet but also a mental one. Without it, I felt lost. My grades plummeted, mostly due to illnesses like mono and strep, which made it impossible to attend classes. I left college in a downward spiral, filled with regret and self-blame.
Looking back, I realize there were other paths I could have taken, more responsible choices I could have made. But at that moment, I was overwhelmed. This experience profoundly shaped my future, teaching me harsh lessons about resilience and the consequences of overextending myself.
Finding New Purpose in Nature
After leaving college, I worked in nature, specifically with the National Park Service as a biotech working with plants. This period allowed me to heal and regain some motivation. Eventually, I decided to return to college to finish my engineering degree.
Re-entering college after a seven-year gap was incredibly challenging. Dropping straight back into my third year of engineering school, I faced a steep learning curve. The other students had been continuously learning, while I had to catch up. Despite these challenges, I thrived. I worked as a manufacturing tech at a die casting facility while attending classes, balancing early mornings and long days to complete my degree.
From Robotics to Burnout
After graduation, I started working in robotics, fulfilling a dream of many engineers. Later, I became a prototype engineer, developing advanced robots for non-destructive testing in nuclear power plants. These robots would inspect heat exchangers, ensuring the safety of these facilities.
The job was high-pressure, with long hours and constant demands. I remember working 14-hour days and being on call all the time. Eventually, I was promoted to lead engineer, overseeing an entire R&D program. However, our program was laid off, and the loss was a significant blow to my ego and career. I had poured my heart into this job, only to see it end abruptly.
Personal Loss and Professional Challenges
During this period, I also lost my father. His death, coupled with losing my job, left me feeling profoundly lost and confused. This was another period of rebuilding for me, trying to find my footing once again.
A New Opportunity and Familiar Patterns
Eventually, I found a new opportunity in aerospace, working on pyrotechnic release systems for major companies.. Despite the excitement and prestige of the job, the high-pressure environment took its toll. I worked long hours, often sacrificing my personal life for the demands of work. I was burnt out, and it affected my social life, hobbies, and overall well-being.
I realized that the cyclical nature of my burnout wasn't just about the jobs I was taking but also about my mental approach to work. I put immense pressure on myself to excel, often feeling the need to be on call and perform at the highest level constantly.
Seeking a Sustainable Path
To break the cycle, I looked for a job with better work life balance. I found one as a manufacturing engineer at a company close to my home. This position offered more sustainability, with a straightforward 40-hour workweek and less stress. However, despite the reduced external pressures, I still feel burnt out. It became clear that the issue was not the work itself. As my one coworkers put it-some people live to work and others work to live, and I was really feeling like the live to work type person
I’ve worked really hard recently to change my mindset, to allow myself to step back and have a life outside of work. This means not always being available, not responding to emails on weekends, and letting others take on some responsibilities. Learning to delegate and set boundaries was challenging but necessary for my mental health. It’s allowed me to be more productive and make major progress in projects that were previously stagnant.
I am also currently learning to set boundaries with my family, partner, and close friends. I have a pattern of ignoring my own needs to help others that I learned from growing up, often dropping everything to help someone in need. Supporting my partner who struggles with severe PTSD and cPTSD has taken its toll on my mental health as well. She is in multiple treatments and told me it’s something called co-survivorship, when you are close to or support someone who has experienced trauma. There isn’t much support for co-survivorship, but we have found that as I learn to say no and put my own needs first, it is actually helping me show up for her better. It is hard work, especially when those closest to me are used to me always putting them first.
The Struggle to Seek Therapy
One of the most significant steps in my journey was enrolling in therapy. For a long time, I believed therapy wasn't for me. Admitting that I needed help felt like acknowledging that I wasn't perfect. There was a large barrier to seeking therapy, rooted in fear, shame, and the belief that I could handle everything on my own.
It took a lot for me to reach out and ask for help. Starting therapy sessions became a pivotal part of my healing process. My partner helped me find a practice that was aligned with my values and schedule. Now, I see my therapist every other week, and we discuss my upbringing, work stress, social life, anxiety, and being neurodivergent.
Embracing Imperfection
Therapy has helped me understand that I don't have to be perfect. It's about accepting myself and being honest with others about who I am. This honesty has allowed people around me to be more empathetic and understanding. I've realized that many people can relate to feelings of anxiety and struggle, and they aren't as judgmental as I feared.
I've started embracing my imperfections, like my dyslexia, which often shows up in meetings. I've learned to laugh at myself and not hide these parts of who I am. This openness has been incredibly liberating and has improved my interactions at work and in my personal life.
Moving Forward
Through therapy, I've learned that I am not alone in my struggles and that it's okay to seek help. Utilizing available resources, like the support Burnout-ology is offering, is crucial. Burnout is a common issue, and addressing it by finding sustainable work-life balance and seeking support can significantly improve our well-being.
Sharing my story is important to me because I know I am not alone. Many people struggle with similar issues, and it's crucial to recognize that there are resources available to help. Utilizing these resources and asking for help when needed can make a significant difference.
I encourage others to rethink burnout and strive for a balance that allows them to go to work, feel motivated, and not be exhausted when they come home. We're more than just workers; we have lives outside of our jobs. By setting boundaries and seeking support, we can create a healthier, more sustainable way of living and working.
Thank you for allowing me to share my journey. I hope my story can help others who are struggling with similar issues. Remember, you are not alone, and there is always help available.
